Countdown

"agonizing loneliness characterizes the life of the pioneer"

It's been 5 months here, and I am ready for a vacation back to my home-town! Who knew I could actually miss that place?? Every day my anticipation and impatience grows. There is so much to think about, but all I can think about is getting there...

The dry toilet construction went really well. We flew out of Puyo to the community of Pumpuentsa where we had 5 days to construct 4 dry toilets. It was difficult, exhausting, and beautiful. At first it was difficult to get organized, but once we had the "man-power" we needed, it all went very smoothly. More appropriately, the "woman-power" was much more effective in construction. The cement mixing and tile-laying required a lot of patience and waiting, which it seemed to me the women were more adept. The men were a great help in building the structure and the roof. It was truly a community effort, and although it was tight, we finished just in time.

For me personally, I learned a lot from the trip. First of all, I've never built anything before, so that was really exciting. I also learned that scorpions like dirty clothes and if I get a bite I can go into a coma for 2 days...how close I came to being bit is too scary to recount. I also learned that there is a bug called coloradilla which buries under your skin and sucks your blood leaving you with little mosquito-bite looking bumps. FUN! Another first, I've never cooked over a fire before (other than s'mores but that doesn't really count). This trip required cooking on a fire pit 3 times a day every day. Despite the fact that we only had 5 or 6 ingredients, we managed to cook something different nearly every meal!

Outside of my trip building the toilets, there's been a lot happening. The fiestas of Quito just ended on the 6th. There was so much going on, it was unbelievable. There was a concert on every corner, chivas passing by constantly (chivas are open-air party buses), candelazo (delicious warm strong sweet drink), parades and dancing. It's been a great way to end my first trip to Ecuador. Now, I go back home to the freezing cold and snowy christmas and new years. I cannot wait! =)

Here is a pic of a woman demonstrating how to use the dry toilet

In a Divine Place

These past few weeks have been a blur for me. I have found a sort of routine here which has made the time really fly. It's strange to be so comfortable here sometimes, and because I'm so comfortable it makes me very homesick. I'm enjoying my time here a lot, but I am also excited to have some time back in the states. Being in this daily routine and watching the days and weeks pass without anything remarkable happening makes me kind of bored and uncomfortable. BUT, I meditated on it this morning and realized I am in a very human and divine place. I have no plan, no idea where I'm going next, and am constantly wondering who I am and want to be-- but all of these questions keep me grounded in a strange way.

Also being here for such a long stay has given me a deeper perspective on traveling as a conscious person rather than traveling as a tourist. Yesterday I met a woman from the states who has been living here in Ecuador for over  year. As I kept overhearing her talking "Ecuadorians are like this, Ecuadorians are like that," I was thinking of how an Ecuadorian would feel hearing her over-generalizations and assumptions...then I was thinking of how many times I've done that in my travels. How many times have I left a country and later explained the people and their culture as if I was some qualified scholarly expert just because I  had traveled there for some time? I don't want to think about how many times I've done that, actually. And furthermore, I've been a total hypocrite because I lash out at anyone who classifies us from the states as 'obese, lazy, stupid, close-minded...etc.' These generalizations were (and are) not only damaging to the people we are describing, but I was also spreading these stereotypes to the minds of those people who may never have the opportunity to experience the culture and country for themselves. I apologize if I have come off this way in any of my conversations or blog posts in the past- I am really going to make a conscious effort in the future to not only stop myself from perpetuating these stereotypes, but also to challenge others who may do the same.

Week of Adrenaline...

I think I had the most interesting week ever this past week. It all began when I got held up by a guy on the street. Overall, I'm actually kind of proud of how I handled the whole situation...I think. Once I realized the guy had no knife or gun it was a lot easier to be confident, even after he decided his weapon would be a piece of cement rock.  End of the story, he didn't get anything out of me. What ensued after that night was what was really painful...

The next day I explained what happened to my boss at the hotel, and he decided he was going to teach me how to defend myself with his martial artist "expertise." He explained to me that I can actually defend myself with as little as a rolled up magazine. A hit to the eye and to the groin is all I need to do...as he then showed me how to do- a little more 'hands-on' than I would have liked and he ended up hitting me right in the eye with the corner of the magazine. I ended up in the doctor 4 days in a row with a cut across my cornea and a choice between a contact or an eye-patch...wonderful. Apparantly a magazine is a great weapon-- at least against a small white girl in a hotel library! A glue-sniffing ladrone--not sure how well a magazine will work, I wouldn't recommend it.

During all of this mess my best friend came to visit for a week, which was awesome! We went all around Quito doing her Christmas shopping, checking in the sites, and almost getting robbed. To be fair, there were signs warning tourists "robbery zone," but I couldn't help it-- I mean, what robbers go to a "robbery zone" to rob people? I imagined they would try to be a little more discreet than that! But lo and behold, the sign held true and if a policeman didn't step out of a building at the time we did, we may have been cut.

After Quito we went to Banos where we did all kinds of fun activities- rafting, biking, hiking through waterfalls, zip lining...unfortunately we both ended up getting tag-team sick. She was sick for about a day and a half, I ended up being sick for about 3 or 4 days. We still had a great time though and fit in just about everything we wanted to do.

Looking forward to November, where I have a 3 day vacation from work for the Saints day Nov 1, Day of the Dead Nov 2, and Cuenca Independence day Nov 3. Going to be a good month =)

Workshop on Indigenous Rights and Rights of Nature

This weekend ended up being all that I had hoped for. I'm not sure how much I helped out legitimately, but it felt great to be there anyways! The trip started with a long bus ride to Puyo in which I slept most of the time. When we arrived we went to the store to pick up some food basics (cookies and milk), got some rubber boots to trek through the mud, and then got picked up for another 2 hour ride to the edge of a road leading into the community. From there it was a half hour walk to get into the actual village.

We got in Friday around 5 or 6pm, so we had just enough time to have a small meeting about what was going to take place on Saturday. After that we went to dinner, and I'm still not sure exactly what it was we ate since we both forgot our flashlights and it was extremely dark. I think it was some kind of cow soup. At any rate, out of hunger it was delicious!

Saturday we started the meeting (and when I say we, I mean my co-worker and the indigenous leaders). It was really encouraging to see how excited and emotional everyone was about the threat of petroleum companies coming in and exploiting their land. The meeting went on for longer than 10 hours. At the end of the meeting it seems that everyone agreed that it was the best decision to create a legal proposal to protect their lands before the companies come in for the "consultation process."

When we got back to Puyo Sunday morning, we had just enough time to run up and grab some food to go before catching the bus back to Quito. Leave it to me to get whatever the lady behind the counter recommended. When we got to the bus we found out I had gotten a traditional dish called Menudo which is a soup with the different insides of animals...heart, lungs, intestines, who knows what else. I was so hungry I ate almost all of it, and now I can say I had it. I can't say I would order it again.

Anyways, now I'm back in Quito in the office getting ready to teach English to the son of the receptionist in the office. I'm training for a half marathon in the end of November so started running again and I feel great! Stopped taking kickboxing classes and now looking for a new studio- the trainer ended up being a creep who doesn't know what 'no' means. Lucky I know how to punch now, hehe. Until next time bloggers!!

This weekend...

I think it's a really good idea to put a map of the world in your house. I remember when I was little spinning the globe with my eyes closed and stopping it at an unknown point and declaring "that's where I have to go!" Well, not much has changed. When I think of all the places I want to visit, I sometimes get really overwhelmed. But, I met a guy in the hotel this week who has been able to make a living out of his love for travel and adventure and he assured me that with the will to go, I will go. After that we decided we were going to climb Cotopaxi, one of the largest active volcanoes in the world. I think that is on the schedule for next week Thursday. It's an amazing hike because we actually begin the hike at midnight, meaning we arrive (all conditions permitting) at the summit at 6am, just in time for sunrise.

For practice we climbed up Pichincha, a local mountain in Quito which I believe summits at 4,500 meters. We were about 30 minutes from the summit before a massive storm hit and we had to turn around. The altitude makes it incredibly difficult to breathe and move fast. Luckily for me, I have had the time in Quito to acclimate to the altitude a bit making it a little easier for me. We got back to the railway car thing soaked and sore from all of the giant chunks of ice that were showering down on us. To continue with our luck, the railway car stopped in the air for about 30 minutes, 4,000 meters above the ground. When I got back to the hotel I don't think I've ever enjoyed a hot shower so much!

This weekend is going to be huge for me because I am going into the Amazon to witness a workshop on collective rights for a meeting of indigenous people. An oil company is threatening to expand it's block of territory which would affect the Quichua, Achuar, and Shuar nations living on that land. According to international law (which I believe has been ratified by Ecuador), consultation and consent of indigenous people before extracting oil or mining on their land is necessary. BUT, most indigenous peoples do not have the full access to knowledge of their rights, therefore the point of the workshop is to teach them this and if they decide to take legal action against the oil company, to help them organize that as well. There will be a lot to write about on Monday!

Outside of all of this everything in Ecuador is going great for me. My spanish has improved in ways that I still have a hard time believing. I don't end every day with a headache and a stupid English comedy to relax my brain. I'm taking kickboxing classes which makes me feel really powerful and I love releasing all of my aggression with an adrenaline rush. I miss everyone at home a lot and I can't wait to be back in December, but I am also really excited to re-pack to come back in January!

Update

It has been a busy week for me! This weekend I got a real taste of Ecuadorian culture when I helped my best friend here cook for a family reunion. I helped cut up chicken feet and heads, played soccer, and don't think I spoke a word of English for 3 days! I was exhausted by the end of the weekend. I forgot to take pictures unfortunately...

Jungle Mama's officially completed it's first Safe Birthing and Family Planning Workshop taught by the Achuar facilitators! It was a success and looks like a new chapter of Jungle Mama's is beginning. There are participants who walk for four days just for a three-day workshop! If you are interested, check out some of the individual impacts of the workshop at www.junglemamas.seeyourimpact.org. More information will be posted on the site by next week approximately.

I have been following a split in Bolivia between the Indigenous cultures and the Farmers. The government wanted to build a road through protected indigenous land to enable easier trade between Brazil and Bolivia. The farmers are under the impression that this will help their businesses and boost the economy of Bolivia. The Indigenous population are under the impression that this will bring mining and oil exploitation as well as facilitate drug trade. After over a month of marches, protests, and violence on both sides, the government decided to cancel the idea of the road. After all, there is a UN law requiring the consultation and consent of indigenous people if there will be any construction on their land that will affect their life.

Life outside of all of work is good! Living in Cafe Cultura still, working here as well. It's a great setup really! It's a little hard in my personal life sometimes, I have a hard time socializing in Spanish. Also, I just ended a 4 year relationship and living in a country where practically everyone is in love or heartbroken, it makes it really hard to get over him. I know in time, all will pass and get better. For now, just have to keep busy and keep my mind occupied on other things.

On another note, those Wall Street Protests?? WOW, I just heard about it today! To everyone involved, good luck and stay strong. It's amazing what can be accomplished with a passionate dedication and unwillingness to bend. Look at what happened in Bolivia! They marched for hundreds of miles through police barracades, through tear gas, and beat the odds! Also, kind of funny, they kidnapped the Chancellor of Bolivia and forced him to march with them. With the strategy of putting him along with women in the front of the march, they were able to break through police blockades! Shows the strength and change a small amount of people have the capacity for.  Also another great example of women as incredibly important parts of social justice movements! Go New York and Viva Bolivia!

Get Back to Earth

Climate change and global warming needs to be part of the feminist discussion. Sure, they sound like two unrelated topics but digging deeper the two cannot be separated. The fact is, we are living in a completely unsustainable way and soon there will be no natural resources for us to exploit. Our population has reached unprecedented and unmanageable heights! Family planning and access to contraception has become more important than ever.

The first people to feel the effects of climate change and overpopulation are those living in economically under-developed nations.  When we throw our trash “away”, it doesn’t actually go away...it goes onto the land or into the drinking water of people who don’t have the resources to stop it. And on these lands where we bring our trash, the first to feel it are the women. As these women try to provide for their families and maintain the health of themselves and their children, they are getting sick and unable to grow food. This year was a record-high for famine in Africa. Thousands are dying and equal wage debates will not stop it.

As more Carbon Dioxide leaks into our atmosphere and oil spills continue to happen, it is the women and oppressed groups who feel it the most. In the Amazon women are dying from infections from bathing in the rivers after pregnancies. In Mexico birth deformities and health issues are prevalent due to the maquiladora factories, in which majority of the workers are underpaid overworked women. Access to abortion will not clean these communities and guarantee a healthier and safer second generation.

This is not meant to undermine any work done by the feminist movements so far, we have come a long way. I just feel that the movements have become westernized and we have lost sight once again of the women suffering from a lack of the most basic needs. Without health, equal rights is pointless. Without clean water for a doctor to wash, there is no point arguing for access to abortion. Without clean air, there is no life. It is time that rights of nature and the issue of global warming enters the feminist discussion in a  forceful way. I have seen what women can do, locally and globally, and its time for us to band together again to get back to earth.

Rights of Nature

This week has been overwhelmingly busy! Wicked long meeting all day Monday, spent all day Tuesday searching for items for the safe birthing kits for a workshop next week, and then yesterday at a fair about Human Rights and the Rights of Nature followed by my 3rd introduction meeting to Fundacion Pachamama...I get it, I think I'm introduced enough!

The fair yesterday was pretty incredible. There were booths all over giving information and starting conversations about human and land rights. I met with an amazing group called Corporacion De Desarrollo AfroEcuatoriano (CODAE) (Corporation for the Development of Afro-Ecuatorians). Racism is a social issue world-wide, but its blatancy here is really shocking. I am making plans next week to go visit their office and learn more about what they are doing here in Ecuador. Here is a link to their website if anyone is interested: http://www.codae.gob.ec/ . It is in Spanish, but if you put the link into www.translate.google.com, it should translate everything into mostly legible English.

It was an especially interesting experience for me because it was a great chance for me to practice my Spanish and also do one of the things I like best- giving out information. I love telling people about what I am working on here at Fundacion Pachamama, but many times I feel that people can't relate to my work so it can be a conversation killer. That's one of the great things about this blog, is that I have the opportunity to share my experience and other people have the option to read it, or not! But at this fair, everyone that approached our table (asides from the few only looking for free handouts- I've been there), was genuinely interested in our work and what we had to say! It was really refreshing.

Ecuador is the first country in the entire world to incorporate the rights of nature into its constitution in 2008. This started a global movement that Bolivia has followed, Australia is making strides towards, and now Bolivia is proposing that the UN accepts the rights of nature as well. The rights of nature basically means that nature has the same rights as we do. We cannot destroy the earth or other species because we "need the resources." With the implementation of the rights of nature, we, humans, have to find a way to live without damaging the earth and killing off other species. In reality, it's amazing this has never been discussed before! It may seem like a radical concept, but just as we use Mother Earth as an object to fulfill our "needs," there was a time that we used people to fulfill these "needs" and giving them rights seemed to be a ridiculous concept. The truth is, without biodiversity, without sustainable ways of living, we Will kill the planet-- and sooner than we'd like to think. Climate change is happening, right now, and ignoring it won't make it go away. Hurricanes and other natural disasters are a part of this world, but one of the reasons the floods of Hurricane Irene made so much history is because there was more water for her to pick up! There was more water for her to pick up because of global warming, glacial melting and peak river levels.

Now, I haven't always loved the Earth, rainforest, all of that tree-hugger stuff. I had a passion when I was younger but somewhere along the way I lost it and then again found the passion but transformed into my passion for social justice. Now, working here for Fundacion Pachamama, I've realized that without a planet, food, CLEAN water, and resources, social justice really doesn't mean anything. And another thing, the repercussions of the depletion of earth's resources and global warming are primarily and most deeply felt by the oppressed. So in reality, it is meaningless in separating the rights of nature and social justice because they are intersectional and inseparable. For example, the Maquiladoras in Mexico (mass production work factories) are destroying and polluting land, on that land are communities living in that pollution and filth, in those communities are the workers who are getting sick from the chemicals released into the air, and those workers have no other options because they are living in poverty on polluted land in which they cannot even grow their own food.

The point is, we cannot go on living this way. We may not feel the costs now, but there are people out there who are- for example, the thousands dying in Africa from some of the most historic droughts. Global warming is not a myth, this isn't a normal cyclical pattern that the Earth goes through. One of the first steps we can take in ending this destruction is advocating for the rights of nature implemented and enforced in law.

Anways, this is what I was trying to convey to the world yesterday at the fair in my third language, Spanish. Needless to say, I was exhausted by the end of the day and couldn't even tell what my age was in Spanish (I told someone I was 80 years old...omg). If anyone is interested in learning more about this work, check out the website with much more information, in English: www.rightofnature.org .

Jungle Mamas

Tomorrow will mark the one month mark of my stay so far in Quito, Ecuador...
Still haven't found a stable place to live, but I have a job which I love so far and have started creating my own network of friends. The social scene here is so much different than what I am used to. On the streets everyone seems pretty cold and distant, but once you open yourself up it is one of the most welcoming places I have ever been. For example, I went to see an apartment two days ago, and after seeing the place the woman invited me to a party at her house. It was strange...but nice.

My favorite part of my job is working with the program- Jungle Mama's. I just finished translating the new methodology of JM and I am so impressed. There is a workshop coming up this month which will mark the first time a birthing work shop will be taught by members of the Achuar community- it's a big deal. These are the moments that make all of the boring budgeting, accounting, and translating worth while.  I would say that the overall methodology of JM is that the knowledge is within the community and the workshops are to help guide people to it. One of my favorite parts of the workshop is the end. The facilitator asks the participants if they would like information about birth control methods. If the participants say no, the workshop ends there, but if they say  yes they are educated on condom use, vasectomy, oral contraceptives, and all kinds of other contraception. This is a very taboo subject in the Achuar culture, so I really love the delicacy with which this subject is handled.

Jungle Mama's is an incredible program which I feel so lucky to be involved in. When I first started I found it really boring to be honest. I loved the mission of the program but I felt like I was doing nothing except sitting in front of my computer all day. That's when I realized how I've romanticized activism! I was expecting front-lines work, ignoring all of the work that has to happen before that. I would say at least 80% of activism is research, writing, and spreading knowledge- very infrequently is there a chance to do grand marches and sit-ins. Those moments are great, but there has to be a great appreciation for the work that happens behind the scenes as well. I know with patience, I will be on the front lines soon!

Here

The initial appeal of the trip here was the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing. I work best under pressure after all. I have to say though, traveling has these really strange moments of loneliness where it almost feels like I don't exist.  I stand out at the same time as being ignored- strange feeling. My confidence peaks and falls pretty fast and regularly. Sometimes it's so low I'm overwhelmed and feel like I'm suffocating. Then all of a sudden something happens and I'm up again. I wonder if other people feel this way when traveling...

As I'm here, for the most part being ignored, life at home goes on. Dealing with the disconnect with the life I'm so used to, while at the same time creating a temporary new life feels impossible sometimes. I don't know if what I'm writing makes any sense, but I'll continue. It feels much harder to deal with problems and stress here- it all just piles on at once- and there's nobody around to lean on. After going over my to-do list at work before I left today, I felt almost like I was drowning. From work I walked an hour back to the hotel and I don't remember the walk at all. I wonder if I looked before I crossed all of those streets. 

This post isn't a cry for help. I really am happy with my decision to stay here! I just am feeling a huge inconsistency that I just can't seem to figure out. This country is really different than all of the other countries I've ever been to- of course it is. It's not the place or the people, it's something in me that's just not fitting right now. I think I'll be going back to the rainforest soon for about two weeks, hopefully that will help me to clear my head! 

Anyways, on a lighter note the chef of the hotel is sneaking me dinner tonight- pasta carbonera...I don't know what it is, but people always give me food. I had a dream about grandpa a few weeks ago where he gave me some advice and took me out for a drive. Although he's probably the last person I would expect,  I wonder if he is looking out for me?

Growth

Growth

The brief pause

The pregnant silence from our rapid routine

A sweet retreat

Satisfying and simple

The copper sun rises and sets

No assistance necessary.

The abundant river nourishes

The umbilical cord of the Amazon

Drums of our feet

Mountains heart beat

I see there never was a choice

Between right and wrong

Only what is necessary

And what is not

We confess our loneliness

Our laborious self concealment

Secretive spirits waiting for their debut

As we reveal our faceless pains

Wash away our overdue stains

We are liberated from our pride and vain

Letting Pachamama in our veins

Swallow her spirit

Let her purity pour through me

Satisfied

Purified

Our halos of ammunition

And new religion of assurance

Our concept of capacity

Our resistance to risk

Our pungent pride

We exchange all this for nourishment

We awaken from the dream

End the trance

Transform

Unexpected Turns

I've never been very good at planning. Even when I think I have a good plan for my life, it never seems to work out the way I expected. Therefore, I am in the ultimate point of go-with-the-flow. Por ejemplo, my plan was to come to Ecuador for two weeks on a journey with Pachamama Alliance, followed by a year of teaching English to an Indigenous Tribe in the Amazon. Here I am though, writing a blog in the office of Pachamama in Quito! Not quite what I expected, but I think it is what I need.

There is so much to write about in what has happened in the last two weeks! I am not sure I know where to begin. Overall there were 14 travelers in our group, 13 women and our male guide, Daniel/Daniella. Who knew that so many different backgrounds and ages could come together to form one solid and impenetrable tribe of Kakaram Nua (which means strong and empowered woman in Achuar language). 

These past few days have been some the most refreshing of my life. Through the travels and learning about Pachamama, I have regained my passion and connection with nature and the world I live in. I'm not sure exactly where I lost it. I probably lost it somewhere along the path when I stopped singing. Now the trip is over and I am singing again! (Sidenote: those who know me, know I never miss a Mariah Carey Christmas or a good Whitney Houston song!)

I figure I will just integrate the stories from the initial trip as they seem to fit into my new experiences here in Quito working with Fundacion Pachamama. I'm really reaching out now for any possible unique fundraiser ideas, donations, and grant-writing skills if anybody has anything to offer.

Currently I am working with Red Transfronteriza, a faction of Pachamama that works with the tribes in the Amazon who have been separated by state borders in recent years. The states we are focusing on is Ecuador, Brazil, Peru, Bolivia and Colombia. These state lines have divided indigenous communities and families. With the Red Transfronteriza, we are working to re-open and start communication between these communities, teach them about their human and land rights, create leadership workshops for the leaders of the communities, and lastly gain institutional recognition and respect for collective rights and the ancestral lands of people and nations divided by borders. Pretty cool...

Secondly, I am working with another faction of Pachamama called Jungle Mama's. This is a program that teaches the women of villages about safe birthing practices, hygiene, in some rare cases methods of birth control, and STI's. I am gearing up to help put together some "birth kits" to be given out in some of the communities that have agreed to work with Jungle Mama's. This program really touches my heart because of how much work has gone into getting it started. Historically, women in these villages have up to 10 or more children. Men take on multiple wives as a means to spawn as many children as possible. Speculating, I would say this is because they are a warrior tribe who were constantly trying to increase their numbers for power and strength. After meeting with male tribal leaders for three years, Jungle Mama's finally convinced them to allow them to integrate some new practices into their lives. For example, when giving birth women typically would walk into the woods alone with a machete, give birth, then cut the umbilical cord with the machete. This was mainly because birthing was a sacred process between the mother and child, and partly because it is culturally unacceptable to display emotions. As you can see, this caused high mother and child mortality rates. For the tribal leaders to allow Jungle Mama's to change this way of life for them was an amazingly huge step. 

Besides these two major projects, I am also working on some translations, press releases, fundraising, social media projects, and blogging! So overall I am keeping myself very busy. Currently I am doing a type of couch-surfing...in hotels. Somehow I have managed to figure it out this far! This Sunday I am looking at a studio apartment which I am fairly certain I will move in the same day (considering I have nowhere else to go!). From what I've heard its beautiful and affordable. Once I am established, I am open to visitors and please come! 

Until next time, hope to hear your comments!!! Saludos

Today's the Day!

I'm sitting in an airport in Miami sharing a precious outlet with some stranger. Everybody in this airport speaks Spanish. It makes me think about how much I will miss speaking my native language and the ease of expressing myself without constantly having to think about conjugating my next word! There are so many unknowns in this trip and this is the longest I've ever been away from home. I don't know where I'm staying, if I'll be able to contact my family and friends, how I'm going to live up to the expectations this organization has for me...

Coming from a person who believes in signs and destiny, the alarm in the airport just went off. Not sure how I should read into that one! I was sitting on the plane here trying to figure out how I came to the point I am in life today. At first I traced it back to me telling my Dad that I wanted to go abroad on an internship or volunteer. Then I thought, I never would have asked him that had I not traveled as a student every year. Further,who knows if I would haver studied abroad had my Dad not taken me abroad before college! After tracing it all back as far as the day of my birth (and beyond), I decided that this is my destiny right now. That must be why I'm not feeling nerves or anxiety creep in. In fact, I feel I am exactly where I need to be and cannot wait to see what happens next!

Adios amigos! La proxima post voy a estar de Quito! Besos!

But Will I Come Back With a Tan??

At Women's Worlds Conference in Ottawa, I had the privilege to present in a concurrent session on the politics of travel. There is a big difference between traveling as a tourist and traveling as a conscious activist. In preparing for my big trip to Ecuador, I'm learning there is also a difference between packing as a tourist going to a resort and packing for this coming adventure. I'm not packing three different kinds of bathing suits, but packing a single subtle one-piece in case the culture considers skin exposure for women indecent. I'm not packing heels and a skimpy dress for 'nights on the town,' I'm packing my more modest long kurtas I got in India with their beautiful colors.

So when people ask me questions like, 'will you come back with a tan?' I have to kind of laugh. I plan to get 2 hours a day of lay-out time to catch some rays. That's a joke. This is not a trip to Florida, this is not a backpack across Europe, in fact- I have no idea what this is going to be! But my questions are more along the lines of 'should I bring gifts for the people I will be staying with?'. If I come back with a tan, that's sweet. If I come back without a tan, then I will just fit in with everyone here in the U.S. in December (unless I go to Jersey...I'll never be jerseylicious orange).

I remember when I came back from Ireland everyone asking me about the beer and people there. Yes, that is a part of their culture and yes, the beer is awesome there! BUT, there is so much more there than just that. The deeply rooted discomfort between the loyalists and the nationalists is evident almost everywhere I went in Belfast where I lived for a few months. I witnessed the Orange parades where the loyalists paraded around waving British flags, celebrating when William of Orange first took over Ireland. I witnessed the loyalists burning wooden pallets four stories high covered in Irish flags. Yes, there was much more than just beer in Ireland and when I told people this there was often a big disconnect. They didn't want to hear about politics, they were asking me for drunk stories--which I would not give. Similarly, when I left India I would not tell the tragic sad slum stories I heard and saw. There is so much more to it than that and I refuse to fuel any western stereotypes. Once somebody has sat down and listened to me gab about the wonderful food, culture, and friends I made in India- only then will I allow them to hear about the other parts I encountered. Maybe I'm stubborn, but I feel very strongly about this. Fueling these stereotypes is similar to when a person finds out I know American Sign Language and asks me how to say all of the "bad words." Until someone can sign their name and 'nice to meet you,' I refuse to tell them any of the other stuff.

It's strange, I'm not nervous at all for this trip. Somehow it all just feels right and I know it will all work out. The most stressful part of a trip like this is getting pulled in a million different directions by family and friends. Everyone wants to get in as much time as possible, which throws off my routine of having loads of just-me time. But I suppose my routine was bound to get disrupted very soon anyways...

p.s. I sprained my left pinky yesterday, so every 'a' and uppercase letter in this blog, feel my pain! Ouch...

Keep Your Hands to Yourself!

Ever hear of the saying "keep your hands to yourself?" It seems that the older I get, the less this rule applies. Last night I went to a bar for a beer after work, my regular spot. As I'm keeping to myself watching the Yankees lose miserably, I feel a foreign hand go down my pants...yes, DOWN MY PANTS!! The tag on my underwear was sticking out and some pervert felt the need to set it right for me. How did he convince himself that this was the right choice of action? Needless to say I was shocked, and raving mad. As I lectured him on how inappropriate that was and how uncomfortable he made me, he just apologized and turned his back to me. When I see the bouncer (who also is the GM of the place) walk by I stop him and tell him what had happened. He didn't give me any sympathy, but instead told me "oh, but this guy really is a nice guy! he comes here all the time!" Are you kidding me?! The perpetrator looks embarrassed and tells me he will just be on his way. This is the second time this year I have felt physically violated by a man and then told to let it go because "he's a regular", "he's not normally like that", or he's really a nice guy." So is the new rule of thumb "keep your hands to yourself, unless you're in a place you frequent--then it's fair game!" WTF!!

When someone violates my personal space, it makes me feel helpless and really low. When I had traveled to India three years ago, two events like this stand out forever in my mind. The first one was when I was alone walking the streets from the post office. It was in my first week of being there so the time difference combined with the heat combined with the culture shock left my head spinning. When a guy came up to me on the street and offered a hand shake, my guard was a little shaky. In offering my hand I had given him a clear shot to reach in and grab my breast. I remember feeling so disgusting and alone afterwards. I just wanted to go home, I felt I had made the worst mistake of my life going there and I sat in an alleyway crying for about ten minutes. Eventually I pulled myself together and the trip went upward from there, but I never let my guard waiver again...except for once. The second time I was lucky enough to be surrounded by friends, one particularly tall and strong-looking friend, when a man decided it was his right to put his hands on me. My friend grabbed him in a near head-lock and brought him over to the police car conveniently parked near-by. As they spoke in another language to the police, I stood there--again helpless but not so alone this time! The cop ended up letting the creep go. Luckily this time, my friends were there to console me. 

I can't help feeling that time and again these crimes are committed against women (and occasionally men but mostly women) and there is never any justice. We are taught from kindergarten to keep our hands to ourselves and yet it seems some men have forgotten this important lesson. I'm tired of being made to feel like a crazy woman when I flip out on a guy that put his hands on me! I'm tired of strange men feeling like it's their right to touch me without my permission! And most of all I'm tired of other people justifying these men's actions with lame-ass excuses... so what if "he's a regular?" so what if he's "really a nice guy?" Would you let this guy do that to your sister? to your mother? Please, don't allow him to do it to me.

Nerves...

Today marks one more step towards the reality that I am, in fact, leaving the country in less than a month. Today I give my two weeks notice to my boss...no more waitressing for this girl! Honestly, I will miss the whole crew and even the actual job. Waiting on people is a humbling experience and has been eye-opening for me in a lot of different ways. 

I want to get this off of my chest, and I'm trying to think of a good segway into what I want to say...and I can't, so I'll just say it: racism is something I encountered a LOT in the restaurant. Most often I heard "Black people are not good tippers," even to an all out declaration of "I hate Black people." It shocked me every time I heard it and cannot believe what little guilt people seemed to show when saying these things. Especially since some of the people who said it the most had their own history of oppression (female, non-Christian, "minority" status). Where is all of this hatred coming from? Personally, I don't believe in direct cause-effect relationships. I believe there is usually a snowball of many different reasons that lead to an outcome. Anyways, here are some of my ideas of why racism is so accepted in the restaurant world:

1. Waitresses/Waiters assume that people of color are not going to tip, therefore give bad service, therefore receive an appropriate tip for their crappy job. 

2. People of color assume that their waiter/waitress is racist (maybe past experiences?) and doesn't tip anyone outside of their own race

3. People of color, in general, make up more of the poor and working class and don't have the extra money to give an "adequate" tip

OR....

4. People of color tip exactly the same as white people but when we receive a low tip from a person of color we assume it is because of their race (reaffirming our stereotypes), and when we receive a low tip from a white person we assume it is because they are having a bad day, an a**hole, or maybe they just forgot to tip that day.

Just a few ideas...I could go more into embedded and internalized systems of oppression, but not now. This has been on my mind for a long time and it feels good to get it off of my chest. Feel free to comment anyone, I'd love to get a dialogue going about this- especially from anyone who has worked in the restaurant biz. Overall I'd like to say, IT'S NOT OKAY TO MAKE GENERALIZATIONS AND SAY THESE THINGS ABOUT PEOPLE...ITS REPULSIVE! **sigh**, that felt good.

I titled this blog "nerves" because in leaving my job, it is my final severance here in the U.S., meaning this upcoming trip is actually real! I read through the volunteer manual last night and it says that those volunteers must have a high understanding with spoken and written Spanish. I really wonder what they are expecting of me...any chance I can become fluent in three weeks?? My nerves are finally waking up...

Getting Prepared

There is so much to do and think about before traveling to another country. Doctors appointments, shots, travel documents....I'm starting to get a stomach ache already. I just got back from Canada's largest gathering of women in the history of their country- Women's Worlds 2011 in Ottawa! It was truly incredible. I was able to meet women from all across the globe. Most moving for me was meeting a women who was deaf from Uganda, Florence, and her interpreter, Olivia. Incredible obstacles were overcome for them to make it across the ocean to speak about women's issues in Uganda...and they touched on so much more than that.

The most amazing part of the whole trip for me was the final dance party after the closing ceremony. All of the women gathered together to see the different musical performers on the front lawn of Ottawa University. As we all breathed a sigh of relief that we finally had a moment to freely enjoy ourselves after intense plenary and concurrent sessions, everyone began to unwind and dance! It was the embodiment of Women's World as the women from across the globe joined hands and moved to the modern beats coming out of the DJ booth! Safe spaces, in that moment we were all equal. Race, class, religion, body types...there was no hierarchy in our movement and everyone was all smiles!

I will take these mental pictures with me in my next trip to keep me grounded as I travel to one of the most untouched and remote regions of the world- the Amazon. I am scared, excited, anxious, and absolutely unprepared for what happens next. But that's the fun part....right?