National Coming Out Day

Haaaaay, today is "National Coming Out Day." So for all of you that already came out this year, kudos you early bird!

National Coming Out Day is an act of solidarity in the GLBT community to show that those who are "in" are not alone and have the support of their fellow "out-ers." But when I really think about it, it seems like a lot of pressure on the "in-ers." What if they are not ready to come "out"? Can we blame them, it is pretty damn scary "out" there.

I have always maintained the frame of mind that it is nobody's business who I am interested in, so in that sense this day leaves a bad taste in my mouth. What would happen if a heterosexual person sat their friends and family down, and with that years-of-anguishing-over-this-moment look in her/his eye says "loved ones, I can't hold it in any longer. I am sick of hiding. Mom. Dad. I am heterosexual." Could you imagine that reaction?? Most likely it would be followed by laughter and a few thank-god-that-wasn't-anything-serious look exchanges. I look forward to the day when someone come's "out" and nobody bats an eye and responds with a resounding "SO WHAT!"

The "in" vs. "out" dynamic never really sat well with me either. Where did that phrase come from, and how did I end up in this metaphorical closet? If I step out, am I "out" to everyone or can I step back "in" if I want?    Can I leave my right foot in, take my right foot out, put my right foot in and then shake it all about? This dynamic, in my opinion, stresses out the "in" crowd. It's like I haven't reached my full potential gay until I have proclaimed it to the world. The hetero's have the privilege of never being "in" since everyone "just knows", why does the GLBT community have to step out and be put into that vulnerable and often uncomfortable position when it is nunya' (nunya goddamn business!).

Not for the faint of heart...

Dear Men,

It's been a while since I have written you and I hope that this letter does find you well, but I have a few things I need to tell you. Please don't take this personally- take it as a chance to grow and understand your fellow woman.

1:
If you are not my family/boyfriend/best friend, don't put your hands on me. If I am blocking your way, you do not have to put your hands on my hips and move me, I promise you I will move if you just say "excuse me." Try it, words are magical. If we are standing next to each other, do not put your arm around my shoulders/waist. Same goes if we are looking at a book/computer screen/whatever. We can both look just as easily without you touching me. Don't kiss me on the cheek, hug me longer than you KNOW you should, poke me, and DON'T FUCKING TICKLE ME.

ALL OF THIS is unwanted physical contact, and I am sure that I am not the only woman who has felt this (can I get an "A'men?") so next time that you go to put your hands on a woman that is not your family/girlfriend/best friend, please just don't. Don't even ask. When you put your hands on me, you first of all put me in an awkward situation of removing your hands, which I will only do nicely ONE TIME, MAYBE. You do it again and I will bite your finger off, I'm serious. Second, it is a blatant way of asserting your power and dominance over me. Like you deserve to walk around putting your hands on whatever lady part you want and we are just supposed to grin and giggle like we enjoy it. I am not a walking bop-it/Simon/scratch-and-sniff/arm-rest. It is ALL subliminally sexual and I DON'T LIKE IT.

2:
Been through this before but I am going there again. If I am walking on the street to work/to the gym/with my dog/to my feminazi meeting/whatever, don't talk to me if I don't know you. Don't say "hi," don't say "good morning," don't tell me to "smile," don't call me "sexy/beautiful/bitch/baby," nothing. Unless you say hello to every stranger walking by, I am going to assume that you are targeting me and react accordingly, which will be with pepper spray or a taser. Again, if you touch me I will bite your finger off. I do not walk down the street for your entertainment.

As I said before all of this is just asserting your power over me and I DON'T LIKE IT. I don't want to talk to strangers everywhere I go, and I don't owe you a response. These men act like they are not only worthy of my time, but DESERVING. Like I am the "bitch" if I don't stop and respond to you. Dude, you are a stranger and I don't talk to strangers on the street- it's what my mom taught me my entire life. If I don't know you and you begin talking to me while I am alone on the street I am going to consider you a dangerous threat to my well-being and cannot be held responsible for my actions.

3:
You will never know what is like to be a woman. Don't say that you do, that you can imagine, that it's not so bad, or that things are much better than they were. You make yourself sound like an uneducated jerk-off. If you want to have an idea of what it is like, shadow me for a week and MAYBE then you will get a small glimpse. You will begin to realize that almost every interaction with men is turned into some kind of flirtatious sexual innuendo. You will  feel  see the terror and embarrassment that I feel walking the streets alone, for example crossing a construction site. After all of that you will still have no idea. I know a total of TWO men who I feel really sympathize and understand me as a woman, and they are both gay. I am pretty sure that they will also testify that you, if you are a hetero man, will never understand. This isn't to knock you from trying though, because I really do sincerely appreciate those men who try and I consider them my allies.

4:
While I am on this topic, what is it with construction workers? Do they inhale too much toxic gases that for some reason almost ALL of them think it is okay to harass all passing women? Maybe it's the helmet that makes them think they have wizard powers to lure women in with their crude and offensive remarks...

This list could go on longer, but I will end here for fear of offending the delicate male egos that have taken centuries to develop. If anything has sunk in here, I hope that it is number 1 & 2 since this is what affects me every day, and most women are too shy to say anything. Try and read body language and be a little less emotionally numb than your kind has so famously become. It really is easy to tell when a woman is uncomfortable (shoulders go up, avoids eye contact, talks a bit lower and faster, fiddles with hands, etc), just step out of yourselves for a minute and read the signs. No matter what I am wearing, whether it is a track suit or a mini-skirt, I should always be treated with respect. I am never asking for "it." I don't want "it," I don't like "it," and I will not stand for "it."

I remember one of my good friends (my aforementioned ally) told me a story...he was walking home from classes one night and found himself walking behind a woman. As they were both walking she kept glancing behind her whilst picking up her pace and clutching her bag to her side. After a few minutes she was almost in an all-out run. Now, anyone who knows this man will testify that he is the most kindest guy in the world and would NEVER hurt anyone intentionally, so this was a traumatizing experience for him. That woman saw him as a predator, he scared her and he couldn't do anything about it. He scared her because he is a man. This story is the perfect example of the societal power dynamic we have created here and it can be changed. It starts with men taking an active role in changing their approach, as well as women taking an active role and setting boundaries (will do my next post on my good friend Erik Kondo's concept of "Progressive Boundary Setting" http://progressiveboundarysetting.blogspot.com/.

Baseball

There is that stupid saying that I always hate hearing, ¨you never know what you got till it´s gone.¨ I always knew that I liked baseball. I like playing it, I like watching it, I like coaching... why didn´t it ever occur to me that I would miss it so much? It was so routine in my lifestyle, so easy. Baseball, I am so sorry I took you for granted and I promise I will never do it again. If I ever get the chance to go to a game, I will never leave after the 7th inning stretch just to beat the traffic. I will time my pee breaks for commercials and changes between innings. I will always keep the strike-ball count. I will cheer as loud as I can when we (Yankees, duh) get a hit, score, steal a base, or just generally make an awesome play.

It´s been so long, it doesn´t even look right when I spell it out. Baseball, that is how you spell it, right? It is dark times here...

Every day the players sacrifice their bodies for the ball, jumping over fences, diving face-first into the turf, sliding into home base. I miss the scratches and bruises. I miss hitting the ball and that feeling when you see it go flying over the outfielders head. I miss getting hit by the ball. I miss that adrenaline rush when you are on first base and given the sign to steal second, when the catcher drops the ball and you are on 3rd and have less than a second to decide ¨do I go for it, can I make it?¨ I miss watching the relief pitcher warming up and judging her curve-balls. I miss grabbing my glove and running out to the field and tossing around the diamond with my teammates.

 Baseball/softball friends, Amurricans, I know you know what I am talking about. Ecuadorian friends, you don´t know what I am talking about (not most of you), so please help me start a team here. I need it, my body is craving it. Every time that I throw the tennis ball to my dogs I can´t help but think ¨damn, my throw has gotten WEAK.¨ And even with my weak, out-of-practice arm, I STILL can throw farther than my boyfriend.

Victim Blaming

I'm taking this blog to the streets...the epidemic of street harassment. Sorry for the corny intro...not going to go any further than that. First a disclaimer, I will probably refer to all cases of street harassment below in the form of "he" as the perpetrator and "she" as the victim. Not to take away the power from other cases of street harassment, of which I will acknowledge that street harassment is also a huge problem for gay males as well. I'm not even going into the harassment of heterosexual men by women...honestly, I feel like it just doesn't happen but please feel free to prove me wrong.

My argument is that our (referring to the world culture in general, more or less) concept of masculinity has been seriously fucked up. Man = strong, loud, heterosexual, assertive, aggressive, emotionless. The list can go on. Our concept of femininity is no better, although evolving slowly. Woman = quiet, weak, docile, domestic, passive, emotional, irrational. Again, the list can certainly continue. I am talking about stereotypes here people, and how these stereotypes have created hostile streets for us women.

I have been slowly brewing a deep burning intense hatred for the male gender, cultivated after years of being harassed in the streets. I walk down the streets with mace in my hand, and if I don't have it I feel completely defenseless and spend my entire walk thinking about what I have in my backpack that could possibly double as a lethal weapon. I'm not kidding, I actually walked home with a sharp cement rock in my hand last week. This is the world WE have created, this is what WE let happen. I am the first to bare my teeth and attack when someone practices "victim blaming," but if we don't recognize the role of the victim in these circumstances we can never work towards real change. There is a reason that THIS harasser chooses THIS victim. It's not fair that the victim has to defend themselves, but if we practice all of this "victim pampering" nothing will ever change. It's shitty, it's not fair, but it happens so let's do something about it.

I walk a lot, so I have a lot of time to watch the people walking in front of me and see which man turns their head, whistles, yells something offensive, whatever. From my experience, it is not always about looks. A beautiful woman will turn heads, but not necessarily receive the same type of street harassment as the next jane.  These perpetrators do not follow social rules (as in the rule of don't piss off or scare the shit out of your fellow woman), but they generally know how to avoid being caught. Like a lion chooses the sick antelope, a man chooses his "silent victim" (as termed by my good friend, Erik Kondo). Maybe that's not the best analogy, but I like the mental image it conjures up. These men look for the woman who will not say anything, which is many times even a friend or family member. What these assholes don't know (and either did we women know until recently), that their low-life strategy gives us the power. We can choose to not be the silent victim, calling him out on his fuckery. Teaching this attitude is much easier and effective than self-defense. We will not crush a guy's trachea for cat-calling us on the street (or better said, we SHOULDN'T do that), but if we knew the right verbal response we can still defend ourselves and crush his prick perverted spirit.

It's not our fault, we didn't know we have this power. We, as women, have been well conditioned to be quiet, docile, weak, passive, blah blah. And men have been taught to be the strong, loud, assertive, blah blah. So, what we can do is turn the tables and become the strong loud assertive person and tell this man to fuck off...but really FUCK OFF. This is all just theory, so please don't sue me if it doesn't work...with some men it just fuels the fire and they become more excited- in that case pull out your mace, call the police, blow hot raging fire from your mouth, do whatever you need to do to get away from a possibly dangerous situation. It is important to always be aware and evaluating your surroundings. If you are in a desolate area it might not be such a good idea to practice this strategy. In a well-populated area, get loud and embarrass the shit out of him in front of the world...its really pretty satisfying.

Anyways, I'm not trying to victim blame or to say it is our sole duty to change our misogynistic culture because that's not fair. But we don't live in a vacuum and we are not powerless helpless women. We can help become part of the change one day at a time and hopefully one day when I leave my house without my mace I will not spend my walk looking for hard sharp objects to lodge into someone's cranium.

By the way, check out this awesome story about a tough chick who spoke up: http://jezebel.com/street-harassment/

God

What does God have to do with abortion? I'm sure all of the "good" Christians/Catholics/Muslim/Jewish/whatevers will say because we are killing one of God's creations. Well gee, all this time I thought it was MY body that created this little blob of cells (along with some man-sperm)! Guess I was wrong...but then again I am not totally convinced that God exists. Evolution is not a theory, so when I ask for proof do not tell me to "look around." That's a stupid cop out. And don't tell me to prove that God doesn't exist, because you are asking me to prove a negative which is logically impossible. Can you prove that my imaginary friend doesn't exist?  As tempting as it is, I never make fun of anyone for their beliefs no matter how stupid they are  "strange" they seem to me. So since I am not inserting my sarcastic commentary into your sermons, please do not insert your God into my uterus.

I suppose it is a question as to how you define "life" but see, I have this theory. When a person is in a vegetative state, living on life support, the spouse/family is given the choice to pull the plug. Why? Because the person cannot live without support. Similarly, an embryo/fetus cannot live without the support of the mother- so why isn't it her choice to "pull the plug"? We seriously have enough  unwanted and abandoned children in this world, so lets not fool ourselves into thinking that giving the baby up for adoption is the best choice. On top of that, have you ever seen an orphanage? It's like a homeless shelter for kids- not exactly the best way to "preserve the sanctity of life" if you ask me. I've never met anyone who had an abortion who has these life long emotional scars that the crisis pregnancy centers warn us about. However I have met loads of depressed single mothers who haven't finished school and struggling to make ends meet who would have chosen abortion had it been an option and opted for a planned family later on in life.

So anyways this post was supposed to be about God and turned into abortion...sorry. I will end on the God note anyways. Does it seem creepy to anyone that people take comfort that there is a guy in the sky watching us and just waiting for us to die and judge us? Who comes up with this stuff... I do believe in shared energy of life, why? Because I can feel it. I do not feel anything when I look up at the sky, nor when I dig a hole and bring myself closer to supposed "hell."

By the way, LOL at my picture.

Women on Women

How many times have you heard a woman say "I mostly have guy friends, I can't stand other girls...SOOO much drama" (insert Elle Wood's Legally Blonde accent here). Maybe not in those exact words, but I have heard this declaration countless times.

Ok, first of all- some of the most over dramatic situations I have experienced in my life have been with MEN. I won't name names, but some pretty great examples just came into my head. Anyone who knows me well knows this story: "Damn you Devil Springs!!!!!!" hehe. But seriously, only in the case of men for some reason we take it as serious life and social problems, while with women, it is silly and over exaggerated drama.

Second of all- I hate woman-on-woman bashing. Notice, when you say this as a general truth about women there is also another woman out there saying the same thing in reference to YOU. I don't necessarily think that this is some scandal created by women-hating men and the right-wing secret agenda to destroy female solidarity, but I do think that this phenomenon is robbing us of a fundamental and beautiful connection that can only be made between two women. The first wave of feminism left much to be asked for, but it got the ball rolling and it all began with conversations between women in their homes. If we do not recognize, communicate and relate to each other in our position as women, we will never be able to face the oppression and injustices that we face.

There is a real benefit in the joining of underprivileged groups. Solidarity is the only way that anything gets accomplished (unless you live in a communist militaristic dictatorship...then it gets a bit trickier), and one of the main tactics used by oppressors is to "divide and conquer." Plus, outside of the idea of rewriting the constitution and changing the rules of society, this solidarity also helps us psychologically and emotionally. It's nice to hear from another woman that I am not the only one angry about street harassment...it is something to be angry about! It's nice to know I'm not the only one outraged about my limited reproductive choices here in Ecuador. I'm not the only one who noticed that women make much less money than men here, leading to an extreme economic dependent relationship and therefore many times an abusive and controlling partnership.

To be a woman is a beautiful thing and we are all different and unique- but we share many things (like being inherently better than men in every way! calm down, thats a joke...kind of). Any woman who has had a best female friend will testify that it is a connection that cannot be measured or compared. My relationship with my sisters and mother is hard as rock and could never be broken. My ex-roommate from college and I  had a friendship that was deep and I will never forget nor trade for anything in the world.

So ladies, please think before you start placing labels on our own kind. You would never (at least I'm going to assume that everyone who is reading this would never) make these general assumptions about another group of people. Imagine if we were to say "I really only have white friends, my black friends are so _____(insert stereotype if you really want)," you get my point? "I really only have black friends because my white friends are so _____." Get it? It's not right, and it really is just a question of changing our deep-rooted socialization. Easy peasy. Not really, but a good start is to cut this out of our dialogues with other people.

And lastly, this is not a sexy or attractive belief. Men will not like you more if you have all men friends. In fact, because of our cultural definition of masculinity as being over-protective and jealous boyfriends, most men will be threatened by your massive amounts of male friends (who in all sincerity probably would jump at the shot to hook up with you). You know what is sexy? Being comfortable with yourself in every way, not judging others or using sweeping generalizations, and being open-minded. Maybe my definition of sexy isn't exactly applicable to all people, but overall this deeply embedded misogynistic attitude seems to be a reflection of our own lack in self-confidence, and if there is one thing I do know, self-confidence is the most attractive trait a person could have.

War on Reproductive Rights in the States...and update on my life

From afar I have been carefully watching what has been going on in the US regarding women´s rights. The intravaginal ultra-sound law in Texas literally raping women who are seeking abortion services, the Oklahoma law requiring a doctor to show the ultrasound photos to a woman and described to her by the doctor, the attacks on Planned Parenthood...it's all really scary. I don't know how many people read my blog, but a word to all you women living in the U.S., do NOT let these rights get taken away. We didn't gain them in a day and we will not lose them in one piece of legislation. Our reproductive rights are being taken away piece by piece and because of the slow process it is being done right in front of our faces. I live in a country where women do not have the right to abortion, and even family planning methods are difficult to come by...don't let this happen in the states. The women most affected by losing these rights will be low-income women, already struggling to make ends meet let alone with extra kids to care for because of lack of access to family planning methods! Please, write to your representative, senator, hell even Obama, and tell him you support women's healthcare and reproductive rights. It is so so so important. Trust me, you never know what you've got until you've lost it.

OK, outside of this thing that has been eating away at me from afar, I am doing great. I'm happy in all my jobs, living with my boyfriend, Juan Carlos, who is the best and makes me feel like the luckiest woman in the world...yea I know what my New Years resolution was, we're just going to forget that. When love knocks at my door I just can't seem to turn it away. He works training dogs in search and rescue, tracking, obedience, agility, therapy, and all kinds of that stuff. He's pretty much the dog whisperer.

I've been on and off sick for the past 2 weeks, but starting tomorrow I am beginning training for my first triathalon which is June 2nd. I can't wait to be training again, these past few days have just been so slow and lazy. Actually, I am really beginning today with a nice long walk and then taking my dog to the park to walk a bit more and maybe do a little bit of strength training. It's the first day I'm feeling healthy again so I'm taking it easy. I also gave up coffee which actually makes me feel great! It's so nice to wake up in the morning without any urges, I'm just awake. The small change really has made me feel much better, I can't wait to see how I feel running in the morning (whereas before my whole run was just daydreaming about espresso).  10k run, 25 mile bike, .9 mile swim. Going to be painful...I can't wait!

My sister's wedding is coming up and I can't wait! I have a wedding this saturday which I am taking as my practice test. I'm keeping my eyes open for ideas and whatnot. After all, I am the maid of honor, even if I am far away and not doing so much. I can't wait to see my big sissy walk down the aisle! Since I don't ever plan on getting married it's like I'm doing it vicariously through her...just quenching those tiny little desires I have to wear a fancy dress and have a big party (although, I suppose I can do that anyways).

Thats all for now!

Update!

Things in my life have been good here. I am now with 3 jobs...or 2 paying jobs and 1 volunteer gig. My 3rd job is working the mornings on Saturday and Sunday with a dog training company called Gresbur. There I do mostly administrative stuff, but I also get to play with the dogs as much as I want. I never thought that dog training would be such a fad here, but the class seems to grow every week!

I´m really looking forward to Sarah´s wedding. The time is just flying! I think now that I have found a steady rhythm here...or at least steady by MY standards, the weeks seem to pass without my noticing.

I spent this week running around getting supplies for the birth kits for the next Jungle Mama´s workshop which will be next week. Unfortunately I won´t be able to make it, but at least I know I am making a difference. And despite how frustrating it can be to argue for hours with people about prices and quantity and whatnot, I really like going out and doing the shopping for this. It´s strange that the one job I don´t get paid for is the one I feel the most passionate about. I wonder if that has anything to do with the psychology self-fulfillment theory...or whatever that was called.

Anyways, this week in Ecuador is Carnaval where everybody throws water and flour and eggs at each other. I´m not sure how I am going to like that considering I really hate having my hands dirty, but surely my next blog will be about that. That´s about it for now, things here have been pretty quiet and tranquil...and I am thankful for that!

Tristezas

I really love is the concept of "tristezas." I first heard it when I was listening to a comedy skit where a guy simply complained about everything in his life that bothered him. Ever since, I've been meaning to write my "tristezas" and get it all out of my system.

1- Whenever I am feeling depressed here, everyone always assumes its because of some man...95% of the time, it's NOT! I am not a type of women that's emotional well-being relies on the stability of a man in my life, thank you.

2- Just because I am a native English speaker does not mean that you should always use the same three English phrases you know every time you see me! They make no sense in a conversational context, and you wouldn't understand me if I answered anyways- so stop it!

3- I am not a native Spanish/Castellano speaker and I am hard of hearing, so I really appreciate it when people do not speak in slang and a million miles an hour so I can understand...If I can't understand you, you are only one step away from talking to yourself.

4- No is NO...it's just no and please stop asking

5- Don't whistle at me in the street. I know that these men are just dying for a woman's attention so they have resorted to this cave-man like strategy of mating calls...but, just as a point of clarification- it has never and will never work!

6- The guy in the club last night that told me to "bajate, bajate, bajate" when I wasn't even dancing-- you are a piece of asshole. I do not take commands like a dog, you are the only dog here.

7- All the people who manage to say the exactly wrong thing at exactly the wrong time...does it really pain you that much to take 5 seconds out of your life and think about what your about to say before it leaves your mouth? i.e...my boss who, after 6 months of working, says "Chuta, yo no sabía que tu me entiendas! (wow I didn't know you could understand me!)"

8- Being invited to sleep over a boyfriends house and then they stay up all night with their friends downstairs...if I wanted to sleep alone I would have done so comfortably in my own bed, then having the awkward morning where I wake up 5 hours before you and have to wake you up to let me the hell out so I can get on with my day.

9- When I'm web-chatting with my family from  home and everyone finds this the best time to ask me a million questions. I am really far from home and I rely on these brief encounters to keep me half-sane here...let me be!

10- I know it's tradition here to kiss on the cheek when you say hello/goodbye, but I also know that it is a cheek-to-cheek kiss. There should be NO lip action and my cheek should not have your saliva on it, and I'm not a stupid gringa that doesn't notice.

Feel free to add to my list, I know I will continue on with it and it really does feel better just to get it out.

"sentir tristeza es doloroso,no sentir nada es asqueroso"
(to feel sadness is painful, to feel nothing is disgusting)

Uninformed Activism

Activism is exploding across the globe. From the Arab Spring to Occupy Wall Street, people are stepping up internationally to challenge social injustices and human rights violations. Now with the proposal of two bills: SOPA/PIPA, everyone is in a viral uproar about the infringement on their personal freedoms. But I wonder, how many of these concerned citizens have read the proposed bills? And moreover, does it matter if they are not informed on the content of the bills?

I guess every activist movement needs the "foot soldiers" so to say. These people make up the majority of the movement, creating noise and gaining publicity in numbers. Then there are the leaders of a movement who are the informed speakers and representatives. Most people during the Civil Rights Movement didn't know much about legalities, but their presence in the marches, sit-ins, etc. is what made the movement happen. However, without MLK Jr. and his scholarship and incredible ability to go from a room full of lawyers to a church and explain and defend personal civil liberties, the movement also wouldn't have happened. But we are in a time of an information "utopia." Anything you could want to know is available on the internet at our disposal. So, should we hold these activists accountable to be more knowledgeable about their cause before preaching across social media networks? At this point, do these viral "foot soldiers" help add momentum to the movement because of their sheer number, or are they dismantling it slowly with their uninformed demands? 

It can be dangerous to discourage those people who taking an activist stance for the first time with challenging them on their scholarship. Maybe we should just be happy that someone is taking interest and spreading the word. But couldn't it be just as dangerous if they are spreading our message using inappropriate arguments? In the presidential election, should we be challenging people to get to know the candidates, or should we just be happy people are taking action and voting? 

Personally, I do challenge those who are joining an activist movement to learn it inside and out. I think in this day and age, with the current availability of information sharing, it is imperative that people know what they are standing for and why. If I don't know what I am taking a stand on, how do I know I am fighting on the right side?

"The only way to have a life is to commit to it like crazy" -Angelina Jolie

Back in Quito after la Navidad and New Year

Despite my consistent back-and-forth of whether or not to return to Quito...here I am! I am working at the hotel now as a social network manager (check us out at facebook page "Cafe Cultura" and "Exclusive Hotels and Haciendas of Ecuador") and continuing my work at the Fundacion Pachamama. I was so anxious about my return, but overall I'm glad I did. I'm not sure how I will balance out these two jobs in the next few months, but it will work itself out- always does.

While I was home I learned how fast three weeks can pass. Between trying to get time in with my mom's and dad's sides of the family, as well as making a brief trip up to Plattsburgh, I feel I was only home for a blink. I think I've blogged about this before, but the return home always seems to be much more culture shock than leaving home. It's like everybody's life just continued, sometimes continuing into a place where there is no space for me. Plus, it's kind of hard to hold a conversation with me unless you either 1- love me enough to sit quietly and listen to me ramble about my travels, or 2- you are actually interested in global climate change, indigenous cultural sharing, or sustainable economic development...the list of this kind of people is shorter than I had imagined. So, in that way it is a sort of relief to be back in Ecuador. I think I deal better with physical distance than the emotional distance. At least here I can disillusion myself to think that everyone else's life has stopped waiting for my return. Sometimes I really do prefer ignorance and disillusionment over painful realities.

Anyways, New Years...2012...the time for new resolutions and new beginnings! I have a few resolutions myself, that I think maybe if I make viral the public pressure may be enough for me to follow through with them (assuming anybody reads this, which I am...maybe disillusioning myself again but whatever, I think what I have to say is important...sometimes). So here goes:

1- Get a steady paying job in a field I am passionate about and/or an acceptance letter from a master's university (preferably The New School in NYC or UPeace in Costa Rica)

2- Run 4 miles in under 30 minutes

3- Spend 2012 single...meaning without a boyfriend, beau, or money/energy/blood-sucking leech

I'll add to that list as I think of things, but those are my big three for now. So, people, hold me to it! Lastly, here's a picture I took of a painting as I was walking in the park today. I would put the translation, but it will be so much better if you figure it out yourself.