Women on Women

How many times have you heard a woman say "I mostly have guy friends, I can't stand other girls...SOOO much drama" (insert Elle Wood's Legally Blonde accent here). Maybe not in those exact words, but I have heard this declaration countless times.

Ok, first of all- some of the most over dramatic situations I have experienced in my life have been with MEN. I won't name names, but some pretty great examples just came into my head. Anyone who knows me well knows this story: "Damn you Devil Springs!!!!!!" hehe. But seriously, only in the case of men for some reason we take it as serious life and social problems, while with women, it is silly and over exaggerated drama.

Second of all- I hate woman-on-woman bashing. Notice, when you say this as a general truth about women there is also another woman out there saying the same thing in reference to YOU. I don't necessarily think that this is some scandal created by women-hating men and the right-wing secret agenda to destroy female solidarity, but I do think that this phenomenon is robbing us of a fundamental and beautiful connection that can only be made between two women. The first wave of feminism left much to be asked for, but it got the ball rolling and it all began with conversations between women in their homes. If we do not recognize, communicate and relate to each other in our position as women, we will never be able to face the oppression and injustices that we face.

There is a real benefit in the joining of underprivileged groups. Solidarity is the only way that anything gets accomplished (unless you live in a communist militaristic dictatorship...then it gets a bit trickier), and one of the main tactics used by oppressors is to "divide and conquer." Plus, outside of the idea of rewriting the constitution and changing the rules of society, this solidarity also helps us psychologically and emotionally. It's nice to hear from another woman that I am not the only one angry about street harassment...it is something to be angry about! It's nice to know I'm not the only one outraged about my limited reproductive choices here in Ecuador. I'm not the only one who noticed that women make much less money than men here, leading to an extreme economic dependent relationship and therefore many times an abusive and controlling partnership.

To be a woman is a beautiful thing and we are all different and unique- but we share many things (like being inherently better than men in every way! calm down, thats a joke...kind of). Any woman who has had a best female friend will testify that it is a connection that cannot be measured or compared. My relationship with my sisters and mother is hard as rock and could never be broken. My ex-roommate from college and I  had a friendship that was deep and I will never forget nor trade for anything in the world.

So ladies, please think before you start placing labels on our own kind. You would never (at least I'm going to assume that everyone who is reading this would never) make these general assumptions about another group of people. Imagine if we were to say "I really only have white friends, my black friends are so _____(insert stereotype if you really want)," you get my point? "I really only have black friends because my white friends are so _____." Get it? It's not right, and it really is just a question of changing our deep-rooted socialization. Easy peasy. Not really, but a good start is to cut this out of our dialogues with other people.

And lastly, this is not a sexy or attractive belief. Men will not like you more if you have all men friends. In fact, because of our cultural definition of masculinity as being over-protective and jealous boyfriends, most men will be threatened by your massive amounts of male friends (who in all sincerity probably would jump at the shot to hook up with you). You know what is sexy? Being comfortable with yourself in every way, not judging others or using sweeping generalizations, and being open-minded. Maybe my definition of sexy isn't exactly applicable to all people, but overall this deeply embedded misogynistic attitude seems to be a reflection of our own lack in self-confidence, and if there is one thing I do know, self-confidence is the most attractive trait a person could have.