Keep Your Hands to Yourself!

Ever hear of the saying "keep your hands to yourself?" It seems that the older I get, the less this rule applies. Last night I went to a bar for a beer after work, my regular spot. As I'm keeping to myself watching the Yankees lose miserably, I feel a foreign hand go down my pants...yes, DOWN MY PANTS!! The tag on my underwear was sticking out and some pervert felt the need to set it right for me. How did he convince himself that this was the right choice of action? Needless to say I was shocked, and raving mad. As I lectured him on how inappropriate that was and how uncomfortable he made me, he just apologized and turned his back to me. When I see the bouncer (who also is the GM of the place) walk by I stop him and tell him what had happened. He didn't give me any sympathy, but instead told me "oh, but this guy really is a nice guy! he comes here all the time!" Are you kidding me?! The perpetrator looks embarrassed and tells me he will just be on his way. This is the second time this year I have felt physically violated by a man and then told to let it go because "he's a regular", "he's not normally like that", or he's really a nice guy." So is the new rule of thumb "keep your hands to yourself, unless you're in a place you frequent--then it's fair game!" WTF!!

When someone violates my personal space, it makes me feel helpless and really low. When I had traveled to India three years ago, two events like this stand out forever in my mind. The first one was when I was alone walking the streets from the post office. It was in my first week of being there so the time difference combined with the heat combined with the culture shock left my head spinning. When a guy came up to me on the street and offered a hand shake, my guard was a little shaky. In offering my hand I had given him a clear shot to reach in and grab my breast. I remember feeling so disgusting and alone afterwards. I just wanted to go home, I felt I had made the worst mistake of my life going there and I sat in an alleyway crying for about ten minutes. Eventually I pulled myself together and the trip went upward from there, but I never let my guard waiver again...except for once. The second time I was lucky enough to be surrounded by friends, one particularly tall and strong-looking friend, when a man decided it was his right to put his hands on me. My friend grabbed him in a near head-lock and brought him over to the police car conveniently parked near-by. As they spoke in another language to the police, I stood there--again helpless but not so alone this time! The cop ended up letting the creep go. Luckily this time, my friends were there to console me. 

I can't help feeling that time and again these crimes are committed against women (and occasionally men but mostly women) and there is never any justice. We are taught from kindergarten to keep our hands to ourselves and yet it seems some men have forgotten this important lesson. I'm tired of being made to feel like a crazy woman when I flip out on a guy that put his hands on me! I'm tired of strange men feeling like it's their right to touch me without my permission! And most of all I'm tired of other people justifying these men's actions with lame-ass excuses... so what if "he's a regular?" so what if he's "really a nice guy?" Would you let this guy do that to your sister? to your mother? Please, don't allow him to do it to me.