As I'm here, for the most part being ignored, life at home goes on. Dealing with the disconnect with the life I'm so used to, while at the same time creating a temporary new life feels impossible sometimes. I don't know if what I'm writing makes any sense, but I'll continue. It feels much harder to deal with problems and stress here- it all just piles on at once- and there's nobody around to lean on. After going over my to-do list at work before I left today, I felt almost like I was drowning. From work I walked an hour back to the hotel and I don't remember the walk at all. I wonder if I looked before I crossed all of those streets.
This post isn't a cry for help. I really am happy with my decision to stay here! I just am feeling a huge inconsistency that I just can't seem to figure out. This country is really different than all of the other countries I've ever been to- of course it is. It's not the place or the people, it's something in me that's just not fitting right now. I think I'll be going back to the rainforest soon for about two weeks, hopefully that will help me to clear my head!
Anyways, on a lighter note the chef of the hotel is sneaking me dinner tonight- pasta carbonera...I don't know what it is, but people always give me food. I had a dream about grandpa a few weeks ago where he gave me some advice and took me out for a drive. Although he's probably the last person I would expect, I wonder if he is looking out for me?
Jenna, you sound like I did when I moved to New Jersey when I was 19. I was from Plattsburgh, a small town in comparison to North Bergen NJ (so fast paced), I didn't know anyone and to top it off everyone was speaking Spanish, which I hardly knew at the time. The only contact I had with my family was by phone and they had the nerve to carry on with life without me back home. It took me a while to settle into my new life in NJ and I was there for over a year. As weird as it seems, I experienced culture shock moving to NJ and I'm sure the same thing is happening to you. I think in some respects its never home, but I can assure you, you will adjust and it won't seem so stressful and I'm sure you will meet many new friends along the way if you haven't already. Thank you for posting this blog, I think its great! P.S. pasta carbonera is yummy!!
ReplyDeleteEvery time I travel, I have a similar experience, even now at nearly 50 on the last trip to Asia
ReplyDeleteWhat I have learned that works for me is to lean into it.. Every time, when that "rudder-less" feeling happens, I go with it and then the magic is around the corner. Something will happen that had I not been in that place at that time I would have missed out on one of the most memorable events..
Dad you give the best advice ever :)
ReplyDeleteJenna- MULU and don't worry- even though I didn't get to see you as often as I wanted when you were home- I still miss your presence. I love you so much and can't wait to see your stinky ass :)
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